I am Not my Own!

Who am I? Where do I go? What will I become? For a long time I was so confused about where my life was headed, always changing majors in college. Out of all the jobs I had, not one made me happy, I didn't feel any joy from it until I started working with children. Working with children has brought so much joy to my life, but something was still missing. I still was doing did what I wanted to, try to be cool by doing what my friends did. Pretending to enjoy it when really I felt empty and even more confused, but I didn't want to be different, I didn't wanted to seem like the "outcast".

The first time I went to church and actually understood what was going on, and what was being said was my 7th grade year I went too church with my favorite aunt. I loved the atmosphere, I loved the feeling of being in that sacred place, and right then I knew Jesus was the one for me. After church my aunt told me "Dawneshia I see a glow about you, inside you are special" at that moment I had no idea what she meant but I kept on smiling. After that day I went to almost every service with my aunt, she introduced me to Gospel musical artist and my favorite was and will always be MARY MARY. From that day my life changed and I had not notice, but what I really didn't know was that God had a calling on my life before the womb so it was destined. As I got older I drew closer to Jesus. I began going to Bible study, I joined the praise dance team rehearsal was every Wednesday and youth night which was every Friday and services on Sunday morning. I love Jesus so much that I didn't want to leave him, I didn't mind not going out with friends.

Then it was the following year I moved to Sacramento away from my church family, away from my aunt, but I didn't think I would stray away from Jesus. My aunt passed away that year and it devastated me, I felt out off place, I felt different, I felt alone. Something that I didn't realize was that Jesus never left me. All through out high school I did everything to not seem different, I graduated and turned 18 I thought nobody could tell me nothing. Then it became a downward spiral even when I tried to get back right, I thought I was to far away from Christ to be redeemed. I thought I had sinned so much that he could never love me. I thought God was upset and stopped listening to my prayers, so I didn't care if I saw another day.

One night I cried until I gave myself a head ache, I prayed and asked the Lord what does my life mean, I feel so worthless, Lord help me, please hear me. Take this pain away, I Don't know how much more I can take. I said Lord I'm scared, confused, tired, and hurting Lord take it away. I had cried so much I dozed off to sleep the Lord said "Dawneshia I got you, keep fighting" The demon was right there in front of me he told me I won't let it hurt you. That night I felt at Peace, I knew God really had a calling on my life.

I drew closer to the Lord but still stumbling but because God has so much grace and mercy that he has shown upon me I am here still able to tell my story, my testimony. No matter how much I still tried to do my own thing I always ended right back to God. I still was a bit confused not knowing what my purpose is but through my pain I was always able to stop my pity party, encourage and uplift others that were feeling down, that were going through something tough in their life. Then God started sending Confirmation, that was my purpose that everything I went through was not only for me but for God's glory. I am to minister to not only youth but women as well. I am not my own person, because I belong to Jesus see, I am about kingdom business.

No matter what I go through, no matter what type of storm I am in, I will still encourage, still uplift, alwaus pray for whoever needs it. That is who I am, what I have become, that is my destiny. It doesn't matter how long it took me to get here, I can say I MADE IT.

Whoever reads this, wherever you are just know that you are NOT alone, NEVER alone. Jesus hears your cries, he sees that you are in pain pray and let him do the mending Ladies. You are BRAVE,  SMART, BEAUTIFUL, AND WORTHY AND YOU HAVE A PURPOSE! KEEP smiling, and keep praying Jesus got you!

Peace & Blessings Queens
SEE

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